I had the craziest dream. On second thought, the scariest dream. I dreamt that I was something (in my opinion) all women are absolutely terrified of at the back of their minds. I dreamt I was pregnant.
I'm one of those people who have dreams every night. Some are incredibly dull and boring; so boring in fact, that if it wasn't going on in MY head, I would totally make an excuse to leave.
Some, on the other hand, are wild. Once, I dreamt that vampires were attacking us, and in their frustration at our bolted doors and windows, lifted the house up ala "Flying House". I once smashed a ceramic beeper in a dream because it wouldn't stop beeping. Turned out, it was my alarm clock. Once, I was diffusing a bomb, and when woken up for school, told our helper to come back later because I was busy, and went back to sleep. I often dream of adventures, misadventures, and sometimes, even interesting twists for movie plots. (I tried to keep a dream journal once but always fell asleep again even before I got the pen out)
I've always had an active imagination. Take note, I omitted the "over". I don't really imagine things conjured out of thin air, I just tend to make things more than what they really are. And despite having had dreams of vampires, serial killers on the loose and terrorist situations, this one dream really, really freaked me out, for lack of a better term.
It wasn't specified how this supposed baby was conceived. I didn't receive any information as to who the father was, and if I was dating, engaged to or married to anyone. I just knew I was carrying it. And I vividly remember feeling so frustrated. I remember thinking, "how dare this whoever guy knock me up?", and not even "how the hell did this happen anyway?"
There was a scene in the grocery that sticks in my mind the most. I was browsing the aisles with my friend Rosie, and though I was supposedly only 2 weeks pregnant I felt a series of kicks in my stomach. It was then that I started to burst out in tears. I kept thinking over and over how unfair the whole thing was, and how none of this was part of my plan. It felt like my life was over before I even officially started it. I was weighing options (like I was a teenager), and was even worrying about how to tell my parents about it. And the whole time I was wailing and sobbing like a crazy lady, it just kept kicking. And kicking.
When I finally woke up, I felt relieved. Relieved that it was all just a dream. And in some twisted way, relieved that my subconsciousness agrees with my consciousness in this: there is no way I am anywhere near ready to settle down and start a family.
Now, the only thing I need to to figure out is how to send a link to this note everytime someone asks me why I'm still single.
